Drastic Measures

Osteoarthritis pain is, well, a pain. Though I’ve exhausted advice from doctors and friends, I continue to search for ways to alleviate said pain.

While on the internet the other day endeavoring to find yet another suggestion, I happened to remember a creative method I read about a few years ago in the Olathe, KS, newspaper. The dateline was Muncie, Indiana. I once lived in Muncie, so that caught my attention and I read on.

The article was about a Muncie lady who had a bunion on her foot that caused her a great deal of pain. Her goal was to get rid of the bunion and, in the process, relieve the pain.

Pain Lady’s chosen method of attack was a razor blade. This partially succeeded in that the bunion was no longer visible, but her foot became infected and, subsequently, the pain unbearable.

Since method number one was not totally effective, Pain Lady planned and implemented method number two. Shotgun in tow, she went to her back yard and shot her foot at the spot where the bunion had been. Needless to say, the prognosis for pain relief was not good.

Having had cortisone injections, hyaluronan injections, surgery, and physical therapy, I’m now methodically working my way through a list of self-help remedies including: apple cider vinegar drinks, glucosamine sulfate, ice packs, hot packs, exercise, relaxation techniques, warm baths, weight loss, giving up beer (well I have never had a beer, but I am staying as far away as possible from the nasty odor), creams that supposedly contain pain relievers, creams with pepper extract, creams with camphor and menthol, and, at bad times, an Ibuprofen.

I’m still praying and am open to suggestions just so long as they don’t include anything related to gun powder.