I have great admiration for people who are cheerful in the morning. I don’t understand them, but I do admire them. Apparently the neurons in the brains of cheerful morning people rise and shine much earlier than do the neurons in the brains of non-cheerful morning people, of which I am one. It takes at least two cups of coffee before the little neuron types occupying my cranium start to yawn and stretch and finally decide to become alert and start sending signals. At some point between my “leave me alone” phase and my “productive” phase, my more cheerful self emerges and, though not ready to party, I become the social being of others expectations.
In my opinion, the person who looked at a coffee bean and saw a drink was a genius. During my pre-coffee days (a.k.a. childhood), my dad, always cheerful in the morning, would ramp up the tension by singing or quoting a poem to me. One song he sang went something like this: “Smile a while and give your face a rest. Raise your hand to the one you love the best. Then shake hands with those near by, and give to them a smile.” Then Dad’s jovial laugh would fill the kitchen and I would say things in my mind that I would never have dared say aloud.
Truth be told, cheerful morning people feel compelled to change non-cheerful morning people into cheerful morning people by curing them of what they perceive to be some strange disorder. My news flash for cheerful changers: Nothing is wrong with me. I’m staring at the wall because that is exactly what I want to be doing. I do not need to be saved from myself.
No amount of pondering will help me understand why anyone sings in the shower before breakfast, or why one would send every cell phone contact a text message before the sun barely even has time to peek over the horizon. Therefore, I don’t expect cheerful morning people to understand me unless they have suggestions for doing so. In an effort to educate, here are some tips for cheerful morning people.
1. “Good” and “morning” are the only functional words in my
vocabulary when I first get up. Don’t expect more.
2. Never mistake this time of day for “quality time.”
3. At this point I really don’t care what your plans are for the
day. You plan to buy a new Mercedes? Whatever!
4. Don’t sing even one ditty to me. I heard them all before I was
ten. Now, as then, I’m sure that would irritate me – a lot.
5. You pretending I’m not in the room will add greatly to my peace of
mind. My pretending you are not in the room will bring even more
peace. (The latter is difficult if you insist on chattering.)
6. You really want to change me? Then bring me another cup of coffee.
I’ve had my coffee already this morning, so I’m smiling. Have a great day!