Email Communication

It’s only been within the past few months that I’ve learned how to express exact meaning in an email. I’ve discovered that a special code exists for doing this. Today I will explain the finer points of expressing emotions through email, just in case you don’t already know them.

Email Communication Code:

• Use of all capital letters:  I am yelling at you.
• Use of all capital letters with selected words underlined: I’m still yelling, but at times I’m shrieking.
• Use of capital letters with some bolded words mid-sentence: I feel that you are probably too stupid to get the point unless I emphasize it for you.
• Parenthetical statement: (I added an unrelated statement to support my thesis.)
• Use of quotation marks and bolding: I’m angry about something someone said about me.
• Use of the phrase, “bless his/her/their heart/s: I’m insulting someone – in a nice sort of way, of course.
• Black text is replaced with blue text: I am now copying to you something another person sent to me by email.
• Blue lower-case text is bolded: The person whose email I copied does not yell as loudly as do I.
• Red text in the middle of a sentence: Now I’m really hacked off!
• Blue text is capitalized: I’m asking a rhetorical question.
• email unsigned: Since I’m really angry with you, I won’t even grace this email with my special name.

Following is an email I’m sending to the coyote that lives on the hill behind our condo. This email uses all of the above techniques for effective email communication.

COYOTE:

I’M TRULY SORRY I BAD-MOUTHED YOU IN THE COMMUNITY AFTER YOU HOWLED AND CARRIED ON AT THREE IN THE MORNING. HOWEVER, I FEEL JUSTIFIED SINCE I CAN’T FUNCTION WITHOUT MY REST.

I do not have time to personally come up there and take care of you. If I had that kind of time in my life, all of my summer clothes would be out of storage and my windows would be sparkling clean. (Are you aware that you are the most unpopular resident of this neighborhood?)

I hear that you referred to me as “NOSEY.” I CONSIDER IT MY BUSINESS WHEN YOU BARGE RUDELY INTO MY NEIGHBOR’S YARD WHILE SHE IS GARDENING AND BITE HER ON THE ELBOW. The blind people from the Division of Wildlife are looking for you, bless their hearts.

I’m not alone in my feelings regarding your behavior. Dear Verla, I’m refusing to serve on the condo swimming pool committee until something is done about that coyote.

As you can see, Mary is so upset she is refusing to accept a new committee assignment and SHE IS ONE OF THE MOST EFFECTIVE MEMBERS TO EVER HAVE SERVED ON ONE OF OUR COMMITTEES.

I HAVE TRIED TO BE A GOOD NEIGHBOR BUT I HAVE RECEIVED ABSOLUTELY NO COOPERATION FROM YOU.

HOW COULD I HAVE KNOWN THAT I SHOULD CHOOSE THE NEIGHBOR BEFORE THE HOUSE?

Great Stories as Told by My Dad

My dad recounted the things that happened in his life with great flair. As a child I loved his stories and listened with rapt attention to every detail of his amazing adventures.

In his younger years, Dad planned to be a boxer and was actively pursuing that path. I’m extremely happy he chose a less brain-damaging career. It was because he had such a keen mind that he remembered things in detail, and he passed those memories on to his children in the form of remarkable stories.

During the Great Depression, Dad and Mom lived in Scott County, Virginia, near the Clinch River. I fell in love with that beautiful mountain area long before I ever visited there, and it was Dad’s stories that caused me to choose that unique place as the childhood home for the protagonist in my novel. No matter how many times Dad told the same stories, I was always transported to that place where, along with him, I climbed a mountainside, fished on the Clinch River, and gathered and cracked black walnuts to take to the market to sell. I could visualize the swiftly flowing, muddy water when the river flooded and feel the possessiveness of the people as they protected their little community against outsiders, of which Dad was one.

The first person other than family who read and critiqued my novel asked me when she returned it if the story is about me. The answer to that question is no, but parts of the story are “as seen through Dad’s eyes.” The descriptions of the time and place and some incidents in my novel are retellings of stories I heard as a child.

Father’s Day is Sunday, and that day always reminds me of what a wonderful father I had. Dad taught me to trust in God and live by faith, to take the hard knocks without assessing blame, to see the good in others, and to seek today to be at least one step ahead of where I was yesterday in every area of my life.

Dad - forever loved; always missed!










D. W. Lacy

Ms. Clown Goes to Church

The church I attend is located in a tourist area and we often have vacationers drop in for morning worship. But even though I was aware that the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus is in town, I was a bit surprised on Sunday when, just minutes prior to time for service to begin, a clown arrived.

As would be my luck, when I took my place on the pew beside Hubby, Ms. Clown was sitting at the other end. Not sneaking sideways glimpses during the service was rather like trying not to laugh when laughter is an inappropriate response. And telling myself I would not look even one more time at the pink hair and garish hat seemed only to insure that I would, indeed, steal another glance.

During the service, I probably thought more than I should have about the disguised woman sitting just a few feet away.
• Who is she?
• What’s the purpose?
• What are the children thinking?
• How can the minister pretend nothing unusual is going on, when there is clearly something really strange right in front of his eyes?

So, you may be wondering, “Is she making this up?” Nope! Ms. Clown was happy I wanted to take her picture and offered to bring her camera next Sunday since I used a cell phone and she was sure I didn’t get a good picture.

I did get answers to some of my questions. Ms. Clown feels that the charitable organizations in our town are not doing their jobs well, and she has started her own one-woman charity organization to raise money specifically for medical care for the poor. Her theory: her clown outfit will call attention to the need and entice people to give. Her inspiration: the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus. I agree that the outfit attracts attention!

Ms. Clown plans to be around for a while - most likely until cold weather disrupts her project. Well, the costume thing does work for Santa at Christmastime, and I’m sure we will get used to having Ms. Clown in attendance at church during the summer.