Men Behind Podiums

Attending conferences and meetings was an essential part of my career. These gatherings included, but were not limited to, staff meetings, faculty meetings, board meetings, and conferences. For some yet to be explained reason, men controlled the schedule and agenda for the majority of these events. So, while the gentlemen in charge led discussions, detailed rules and procedures, defended research, and pontificated, I learned. What I learned was that men have twenty-eight gallon bladders. I’m relatively certain it’s genetic.

In an effort to be of service to women, I’m posting a list of hints for those who attend male dominated events where extensive “seat time” is involved. I trust these suggestions will be helpful.

• Don’t even touch one of the soda cans nestled cozily into the bucket of crushed ice on the refreshment table.
• Bypass the coffee urn without giving it a second glance.
• View the water pitcher on your table as a science project.

Ø      What happens to the ice cubes during a protracted meeting?

Ø      What happens to the print on your agenda when you hold it behind the pitcher?

• Never add to the duration of a meeting by asking a question or volunteering information.

Alternatives to using these hints include products labeled Tena® and Poise®, seeking permission to leave the room (if I recall correctly from grade school, that would be raising one finger in the air), or staging a walkout.

Just sayin’!